Ah, Fall. Everyone's favorite culture. Even the textiles seem softer and smoother and more gentle on the skin. As if the air itself tastes like grace. Cathartic clouds -- turquoise sheets draped behind gray piles of cumulonimbus lace. A cool breeze blowing through, carrying us back to high school football games and bonfires on beaches where we've never been, but we always imagined that we did. The feeling of a thousand memories inhaled in one whiff, the taste of sweet nostalgia and college meal plans. The wonder of us as children replacing all the fear, and we thought it was tough back then. It's just cool enough to remind us that autumn won't last forever. And the perfection of this evening cannot be preserved in a scientific jar ready for your inspection whenever you need it. So breathe in deeply to capture the coolness in your lungs, deep enough and it just might hold you over until Spring.
A lime green chair, four metal bars, begging not to be taken seriously. But I sat in it anyways, just begging to be taken seriously. And this is what I wrote.
The odorless wind still smells like old gym shorts and Abercrombie cologne. I mean that in the best worst way possible. It makes you cringe to remember your hairstyle. I can still see the view of the football team running through the pep rally paper - pretending it didn't have to be pre-cut for them. They seemed like warriors with my sister cheering them on. And sometimes when it got late enough to see your breath, dad would bring us hot chocolate.
Years pass, and seniors graduate. And before you know it, you're one day closer to being a senior once more. But every September, that cooler breeze returns again.
Eventually people move. In and out of your life, across the country, and into someone's else world. And if you're the one doing the moving, you know. Nothing changes just because you move halfway across the country, or all the way across the country, or the earth, or the universe for that matter. And nothing changes just because you decide to stick it out in the same spot from nursery to nursing home. The same issues that you had yesterday are still cozy within you no matter where you take up residence. The only thing that ever changes is perspective. Everything else stays the same. That is, until you finally decide to change your mindset.
Until you decide to pick up your heavy book of fears, and past gone-wrongs, and preconceived negative notions that you've collected from every season since that senior year, and chuck those pages into the fire as if you're still pretending to be your old hero, Nolan Ryan.
No one tells you this when you're getting ready to leave. They let you believe that your pain stays here when you decide to hit the road. Especially the people who have been through it before. They don't want you to give up before you even get going. I am thankful that no one told me.
Not to ruin the surprise party, but moving doesn't solve a dang thing. If anything it takes a shovel to your deepest insecurities and fears and digs deep into your core. But it's you that gets to decide whether that digging creates a garden or a grave.
Sometimes you will be running in an unfamiliar place, with new scenery and curious faces all around, but your footsteps will still be the same. The same imprint, new sand.
And in this instant, you will question why you're doing this again. You'll inquire whether the call you heard was even real. The answer is always simply yes. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Be ready to learn, to try and fully understand. This is your wilderness, and the world is at your fingertips. It may not look anything like the postcards or encyclopedia or wikipedia. Or even like your friends' lives. Don't compare. It's not about your surroundings, it's only about everything you've now shown is within you.
You have courage, and conviction. You have experience, and even naivety. You have everything you need, but now it's time to follow your dream. Your dream wasn't really about moving (even if you thought it was), it's what you'll learn about yourself in the process. It's not about being able to sell everything and survive in a tiny bedroom. It's about learning what you really need, only faith and love. With each step of growth, you can appreciate it all the more. Each breath, each keystroke, each unfamiliar face. After all, it's not up to the world to teach you what you need to know, they can only present you with their unique perspective. It's up to you to find the meaning.
Let's get moving y'all.